When the People at The Top Stop Trying

They say don’t meet your idols, and that sentence could not be more true.

I have a story for you that lives in my head rent-free at least once a month. It’s from the time period after I graduated from the University of Hawai’i x London Contemporary Dance School and was finding my footing as a young person who wanted to just dance for a living.

Back when I finished my university degree, the next step was to audition and try to get hired by a company. When I graduated, video submissions for auditions were JUST starting to become a thing and not commonly accepted. So how did dancers get jobs? You travel around and audition for companies. At the time, I thought that I would be joining a contemporary ballet company and I looked at all the companies I loved and hoped to join. A few of these were in Europe and after some intensives over the years, I had an invitation to train with one of them for a week in Germany and I leapt at the chance. Intensives are basically weeks-long boot camps for dancers, usually held in the summer and you audition for those as well. The style of the artistic director was everything I loved, all the work they did for other companies was nothing short of stunning. I was also selected at one of these intensives to learn and perform pieces of a few of their works and the movement was beautifully fit for my style of dance.

Now, the way contemporary and classical ballet companies tend to work is that they like to see you work in class, etc. before they decide whether or not to hire you. There’s a lot of networking to be done and of course these classes cost money, companies had begun charging for auditions (No thanks to Twyla Tharp) and this all takes a lot of time. A very expensive thing for a young adult without a support system.

With that context, I was very excited and nervous to spend time with this company I so admired.

Over the course of the week, the format was the same - ballet class in the morning at 9am and then rehearsals after that. The person giving that morning ballet class was a prestigious ballet master from the Bolshoi which was even cooler to experience. There were 4 other similar dancers to myself that were invited for the week and we were all excited, made sure we were on time, etc. etc.

Day one, 9am comes and goes, the ballet master is there, two-three company members and us. I was very confused for awhile until about 10am, the rest of the company comes strolling in with their coffees and whatever and leisurely makes their way to the barre. Class begins and lasts maybe 45 minutes before the director shows up to begin rehearsals for their upcoming tour.

This occurred every day.

Now I must say at this point in the company’s history (the company no longer exists by the way which is why I feel comfortable sharing this) I got the vibe that they were merely coasting on their reputation at that point. Celebrities were plagiarizing some of their work, one of the assistants weirdly spent most of the days keeping their Wikipedia page updated (???) and the work that they were rehearsing had greatly shifted to… what I will call more abstract than the technical work I fell in love with.

The director themselves had clearly cultivated this environment and spent 30 minutes with us young adults having us practice this arm movement that… was not hard. All of us were doing it correctly. It felt like a self-satisfied moment of superiority for them.

I sat watching these rehearsals as a burgeoning professional dancer feeling like I was missing something. Was this normal? I hadn’t trained in the NYC schools, so maybe? I didn’t have the cutthroat attitude of my contemporaries in the room with me. What is happening? Why am I watching a woman attempt to dance en pointe who clearly hasn’t put the shoes on in many years?

It was ultimately a disappointing, if extremely educational experience. And what we managed to get through of class with the instructor from the Bolshoi was really good.

But now I will leave you with the moment that remains etched in my mind:

At the end of the last day of the week, the director gathered their company members around them and asked if they really needed the physical therapist with them for the tour. They explained that they were trying to cut down on costs and that the physical therapist was very expensive.

Most of the company members suddenly got very loud complaining about all sorts of aches and pains under the sun. Except for two who said, they didn’t feel that it was a necessity.

Which two?

The two that were there when I was each morning, warming up their bodies and taking class properly.

I watched that go down and I felt an epiphany go off in my head - the director had no idea that their team is the way they are because they weren’t genuinely respecting their craft, their bodies, or their time in the studio. Because the director doesn’t arrive until after class is done.

It made such an impression on me that you will always find me in ballet class in some form or other. It is also a reason why I always hold such high standards. If you don’t take care of your body, you will be in trouble as you age.

It’s worth checking in with yourself: where have I gotten lax?

From the plume 🦢🪶

**Note that the cover image has nothing to do with the content in this post.